


Road Trip

by GirlDressedInBlack



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlDressedInBlack/pseuds/GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: Bill just misses grabbing onto the shuttle and the Master pushes them forwards, away from the hospital and out.They smash through floor after after floor of metal, the sounds echoing through the whole ship- then out. They push through the side of the ship and they're hurtling through space.Thus begins the most unlikely road trip ever.AU from the beginning of 'The Doctor Falls'





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> This is most likely going to end up as crack but I'm so not sorry.  
> Also updates will be very infrequent due to my long list of ongoing/ planned fics.

The Master forces the handle and they shoot off, just managing to blow up the wall in front of them before they crash. The Mistress shrieks in excitement, arms in the air as they smash through layer after layer of metal, only picking up speed.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Shouts Nardole helpfully, "And I don't even really eat anymore." He adds as they force their way through yet another floor.

In a flash of flesh tone a human farmer yells at them angrily, waving a pitchfork

They keep going, crashing through level after level, leaving smoking craters throughout the ship.

The Master laughs as the android holds on for dear life, the chair creaking beneath his fingers. The Mistress laughs at the thrill of travelling again- they're going so fast! It's exactly like a roller coaster with more destruction.

Then they're in space.

All three of them look at each other in shock as they shoot through the side of the ship and out into the universe.

Eventually they slow, the Master easing back from the pedal before they shoot straight into a star.

"I think I misjudged." He says evenly.

"You think?" Asks Nardole, raising an eyebrow sarcastically, "You're lucky I had the forethought to bring up all the shields on this thing and reroute the energy used to power the cybermen straight into this little thing. We'd be dead if it wasn't for me." He says proudly.

The Master just looks at him in annoyance, trying to decide whether or not he should just attempt to strangle the man.

"Yes, well done dear. Very clever." The Mistress says softly, still staring at the star as it attempts to burn out her eyes. Nardole preens and both he and the Master look back at her, one in pride and the other in disgust.

"Are you crying?" Asks the Master, sneering at the Time Lady.

The Mistress focuses back on the interior of the cabin, looking past him.

"I- it's something that happens now. I just- it's beautiful." She says in explanation, gesturing at the star before them with one hand as she rubs her tears away.

The Master turns away with a groan, grumbling about his future incarnation and resting his head on his arms. Maybe he could push them both out the door, watch them get sucked into the sun and fly away. It would be a beautiful irony- the Mistress finally learns to love the stars and he pushes her into one. She should thank him when he does.

Nardole meanwhile looks at her in surprise.

"Are you having an emotion?" He asks, staring at her.

She looks back at the sun and nods, tears relentless in their path down her face.

"Yes. I rather think I am." She says quietly. 

The Master makes a sound of disgust but Nardole just continues staring at her.

"You've turned good." He says in wonder as she keeps crying.

The Mistress can only nod.

"I can hear it singing." Missy admits, biting her lip.

* * *

 

Meanwhile back at the ship's very fast bottom...

Bill stares upwards as the ship shoots out through the ceiling.

"Doctor." She says softly, dropping to her knees and lifting him into her arms.

"Doctor." She repeats, shaking as she cries.

Tears fall, soundless against the clamour of the cyberman city. Soundless against her worry and grief.

Unseen the tears collect together, a small pool on the rooftop which grows bigger than it should until a girl forms from it.

She has a star in her eyes.

"Come with me now." She says softly, extending her dripping hand to Bill. Her face shows only kindness.

Suddenly Bill notices the silence.

Still carrying the Doctor she makes her way to the roof's edge and looks out.

The city is silent, cybermen crumpled where they stood, all lights out. Humans look around in confusion.

Bill looks back at Heather.

"They've stopped. They're gone!" She exclaims, joy overtaking her as she cries again.

"They have. The bald man did it." Confirms the star-eyed girl.

Then Bill remembers.

She looks down confused.

"But- I was converted- how am I not like them?" She asks, looking over at the puddle girl.

Heather smiles.

"You're human. I turned you back." Heather explains, "I could change you again if you like." She offers but Bill just smiles, sweeping her into a hug.

She presses their noses together and then they are kissing.

When they pull away Bill is dripping water onto the rooftop.

They both laugh, arms still wrapped around each other.

"I said I'd wait for you." The girl says with a smile.

And Bill remembers again.

She turns back to where her cyber-body lays collapsed, the Doctor safely on top of it but unconscious.

"He-" She starts, feeling tears prick at her eyes again.

Heather holds Bill from behind, resting a chin on her shoulder.

"I can take us back to his Tardis. He'll be okay there." She says, "We can leave him a note if you like. Explain everything. We could even visit every Sunday." The star-eyes girl soothes. Bill places her hands over Heather's.

"Yes- I would like that. He's- what's going to happen to him?" Bill asks quietly.

Heather smiles against her neck and Bill can't help but smile too.

"He'll be reborn. Like a phoenix." She summarises. 

"I like that." Bill sniffs, "And I like you."

Her wonderful puddle girl laughs into the desolate city where survivors are already picking themselves up.

"I like you too." She says, kissing her again, "Why would I have come back for you otherwise?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long! Uni and other WIPs and life etc. happened.
> 
> Also this chapter gets incredibly gay at the end so enjoy.

“Yes- good! You hear the stars sing now! What else? Are small possibly disease-ridden creatures going to fly in and help you do the washing?” The Master mocks, arms crossed as he leans as far back in his chair as possible.

“You know- you shouldn’t be so rude to yourself.” Nardole comments, peering around his chair, arms also folded.

The Master sneers at him.

Missy looks at the Master in pure disgust, tears still on her face but crying abated for now.

“Why the bloody hell would I do  _ washing _ ?” She spits out. The Time Lady leans forwards in her chair, “Are you madder than I remember being? No self-respecting me would even  _ consider  _ doing any kind of washing when there are perfectly decent slaves to do it for them.” 

“I prefer the term ‘guard’.” Nardole huffs.

The Master laughs, clutching his knees as he bends double over them.

Then he stops, a perplexed look coming over him. 

It’s the calmest both Nardole and Missy have seen him since meeting him.

He turns.

“What if it’s really delicate and you don’t want it getting damaged?” He asks, completely serious.

The Mistress snorts.

“No. Don’t even bother. Get something that you could regenerate in without it burning up.” The Time Lord goes to interrupt and Missy holds up her hand preemptively. 

“No. I know what you’re going to say but no. Lace underwear is still uncomfortable and unpractical as a Time Lady- it’s not just a male thing. The Doctor still does not take enough notice in what we wear for it to be worth it.” She says. 

The Master rubs his goatee, nodding solemnly.

“I’m going to try and remember that.” He promises.

“You don’t.” The Mistress says bluntly.

The fact that Nardole isn’t either bright red or blanched white is testament to the last seventy years of dealing with two occasionally disturbingly amorous Time Lords.

Instead he pastes on a smile only barely disguising the grimace he wears.

“So. What do we do now?” The non-Time Lord asks.

In unison the two- or should that be one?- Time Lords turn towards him, matching looks of bewilderment on their faces.

“Oh. I forgot he was there.” Says the Master.

“Me too.” Admits Missy. She waves her left arm in the air dismissively, right arm bent at the elbow which rests on the chair’s arm.

“I don’t know. We can’t go back now- the ship’s got a massive hole in it- and we can’t stay here because we’ll die and that will be boring.” She leans towards the Master, both hands pawing at the left chair arm as she tilts her head and pouts.

“What do you think honey?” The Mistress croons.

The Master blinks, adjusting his position on his seat. The beginnings of a smirk come to his lips as he tilts his head up.

“Well dearest- I think we should probably stop off somewhere to refuel and stay for a little while. All your talk about washing and clothes has made me realise that I’ve been living in slums for far too long and daddy needs a shower and a new wardrobe.” He says.

Nardole wrinkles his nose in horror and Missy gags.

“Rassilon’s arse! Did you really say what I think you just did?” The Time Lady says, face frozen in disgust with one eyebrow raised far too high.

“What?” The Time Lord asks, turning around properly, “What are you talking about?” 

“He did.” Nardole affirms, looking like he’s smelled something really awful.

“What?” Whines the goateed man, “What are you going on about? What did I say?” He asks in pure confusion.

“Did you-” The Mistress says, pausing to shudder, “-just refer to yourself as ‘ _ daddy _ ’?” She asks, horrified.

“Well- yeah.” The Master confirms, “I thought you could hear?” He snarks.

“Why?” The Time Lord asks, expression dropped back into confusion only milliseconds after he’s snapped at his future incarnation.

The Mistress shivers again, eyes closed tightly.

“Just. Just don’t. Don’t say that word ever again as long as you live in any form.” She says, hand outstretched towards him in plea.

“Yeah- that would be rather great.” Tags on Nardole, still looking at the Time Lord in an extremely disturbed manner.

 

“ _ Be back on Sunday! Star Girl and your gay granddaughter xx”  _ The Doctor reads. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he paces the TARDIS grating, letter held in his left hand as his eyes scan over the eleven words on the sticky note he’d found on his head upon waking up. His right is curled around his chin, index finger caught on his bottom lip as he stops and looks up to the ceiling.

“Which one of my gay granddaughters? What does ‘ _ xx’ _ mean- did they forget the third one? No. That wouldn’t make sense. When even  _ is  _ Sunday relative to now? Do they even  _ mean _ Earth’s Sundays?” The Time Lord says aloud. 

He looks back at the note, scowling a little.

“Oh- Bill. It’s her handwriting. Of course.” The Doctor says, smiling at his triumph even though there’s no one around to see his genius in action.

“Didn’t know she was my granddaughter but hey- you learn something new every day. That means it’s going to be an Earth Sunday. Still doesn’t explain the  _ ‘xx’ _ though. I wonder what that means?” He questions.

 

~Meanwhile on some beach on some planet somewhere~

“Wait- do you think maybe that note might have been a bit too confusing for him? Like- I know he’s really clever but he’s also like- super old?” Bill asks Heather, turning her head to the other girl who has decided to reform herself wearing cheap novelty gold star framed sunglasses. 

Heather just smirks a little, eyes flickering down for a moment which makes the corner of her lips twitch upwards a little and Bill’s stomach do brilliant-awful things before she looks into Bill’s eyes.

Or should that be Bill’s glasses?

Heather’s reformed her in sunglasses too and a decidedly more revealing outfit than she’d been wearing which does wonders for Bill’s concern that Heather maybe might not have actually seen her in that way and maybe Bill was just being super, super gay.

But no. Heather is obviously also super gay.

“Don’t worry.” Heather says eventually, smiling as if she knew everything Bill had been thinking, including about the rather cute bikini the star-eyes girl was currently wearing, “Even if he doesn’t he’ll get it when we go back to visit.” She says, rolling over onto her back on her beach towel.

The girl props herself up on her left elbow, giving Bill the most alluring smile she can manage as she pulls down her glasses enough to look over the top at the other girl.

“Would you mind doing my suncream?” She asks.

“Whu- no. No! Definitely! I  _ really _ would love to help you with your suncream.” Bill emphasises, swallowing.

The fact that they really don’t need suncream anymore is a thought Bill doesn’t bother thinking about.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy and the Master just wouldn't shut up- I honestly could have kept going for a lot longer. 
> 
> Anyway- sorry for the wait- next chapter should be up on the 5th of August.

“Let’s just- let’s just go.” The Mistress says, looking out the side window with the extremely obvious intention to never look at her younger self for the next ten minutes at least.

“Agreed.” Nardole says as he starts the shuttle up again.

The Master merely grumps, upset on being ganged up on by both his younger self and one of the Doctor’s pets.

 

“Are we nearly there yet?” Asks the Master, sprawled out over his chair as if he were literally dying of boredom.

“No. If we’re where I think we are it will take another hour or so to get to somewhere we can stop and refuel before making our way towards one of the bigger intergalactic stations.” Nardole says patiently, holding in the sigh at what he knows is to come.

“But you drive so slowly! I drove faster when I was a crisp! Rasillon- our cousin  _ walked  _ faster when they were two-hundred and ninety years into their last regeneration !” The Master complains.

Nardole then sighs.

“Well this is the speed I’m going to drive at because I don’t want to die and the only one of us who is guaranteed to come out of this fine whatever happens is you.” He says, locating the radio switch and jabbing the button. The signal is mostly static but some strains of what Nardole thinks is Ardassian pop comes on.

“We are out in the sticks, aren’t we?” He mutters to himself as he calmly keeps driving.

“It’s true- our cousin did walk faster!” Missy shouts over the noise.

Nardole stops the shuttle, puts on the handbrake (the shuttle was never meant to go at the speeds they had pushed it to), turns off the noise and turns to look at her, eyebrows raised. She is slumped against the window, one forearm lying against the frame as the other supports her head. She catches his eyes and rolls her own.

“Just keep driving before I dismember either of you and force the other to eat your spine.” She says dryly, inspecting her nails.

“You wouldn’t really do that.” Nardole says with certainty before turning back and taking his time with starting the engine and radio up again.

“The question is whether you want to try me.” Missy hisses under the noise, sneering at the back of the chair in front.

The Master catches it and looks back at her, eyes very deliberately trailing down her body and back up again as the smirk on his face widens.

The Mistress stares back, eyes alight and fixed on his face. She leans forwards and gnashes her teeth.

“Stop flirting.” Nardole mumbles without turning away from the controls as they set off again.

 

They manage to reach the refuelling station without any murder and Nardole sets about finding out what kind of fuel the shuttle uses, clicking through settings and buttons.

“I’ll just be a minute- please don’t get out of the shuttle.” He asks before heading to the machine at the side of the car to select the right fuel. 

“Who do you think you are? Our  _ mum _ ?” The Master spits incredulously, arms crossed as he slumps back in his chair.

For one moment Nardole pokes his head through the open door. 

He raises his nonexistent eyebrows.

“Yes. On second thought I should lock the doors to prevent you from killing everyone here.” He says calmly, disappearing again.

“No- wait! What are you doing! Don’t leave me on here with  _ him _ \- you’ll come back and we’ll probably be bumping uglies or- or- adjusting the settings on your chair so it ejects you out the roof mid-flight!” Missy hisses over the sound of typing. 

“Oi- I’m you! What are you whining about?” Complains the Master, leaning back to look at Missy.

“Well I’m the prettier one- I’ve got more status to lose if we did the horizontal tango.” She says plainly, not noticing the door shut beside her as she turns to face the Master.

“ _ Excuse me _ ?  _ You’re _ the prettier one? Have you seen this face?” The Time Lord responds, said face crumpling in outrage as he points to it.

“Yes- it’s all round. Makes you look like a baby with a goa- _ tee _ .” Missy taunts, “I have a distinguished facial structure and a characterful nose. Much more elegant- I could cut people with my cheekbones I’ll have you know.” She continues, turning her head to the side and tilting her face up with fingers delicately curled under her chin.

“At least I don’t look like an old crone! Your nose makes you look like a witch- eaten any children lately?” He purrs.

Missy scowls.

“You’re just jealous because I match my Doctor.” She sings as she folds her arms and looks away defiantly.

“ _ Jealous! _ ” The Master sputters, almost falling out of his chair, “ _ Jealous _ ? As if  _ I _ could be jealous about you having  _ your  _ Doctor? He’s all old and moralistic and gruff- and- and-  _ Scottish _ . He’s not even just Northern! He’s gone and made himself all humany! All- ‘where’s Bill?’ this and ‘I’m the only one who can fix this’ that! My Doctor is far better than yours. In fact- I think you’re jealous of  _ my  _ Doctor.” The Time Lord insists, smiling at his older self in a smug manner.

“You think I’m jealous of  _ your _ Doctor.” The Mistress drawls, kicking her legs up over the side of the chair and lying across it. 

She huffs an incredulous laugh, shaking her head softly.

“No. No, no, no.” She says amusedly, smirk playing across her lips.

“The Doctor has  _ always  _ been moralistic and humany. It’s why he’s so fun. He’s finally showing his years on his face like a real Time Lord too- unafraid to look old and not looking for approval. Now try and tell me that isn’t attractive?” The Mistress says softly.

“Don’t even try and pretend you don’t like the accent- you’re me- I  _ know _ you like the accent. My Doctor played house with me for a human lifespan- brought me take out and everything. I don’t see how your Doctor could compare.” She finishes with the tone of someone who thinks they’ve won.

“He put you in a box and let the egg man watch over you. The tin man told me that.” The Master replies flatly, raising his eyebrows.

Missy blushes, hoping the rush of blood to her head from being upside-down would hide it if her younger self bothered to look.

“Well- technicalities. Depends on your point of view. He bought me a grand piano. And a chandelier. And all the chairs I asked for even though I really didn’t need them all and he was really confused.” She says quickly.

“Right.” Mutters the Master, rolling his eyes at his future, “Good to know I’m a hopeless schoolgirl in the future.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is on either the 7th or 14th of October.

Moments later Nardole walks in calmly in silence.

His face is blank in a studied way which makes both Time Lords turn to him in curiosity.

The android slams the door shut, engages the shields and takes off at the highest speed the shuttle will go.

His face remains a mask the whole time as he stares forwards, through the window, silent.

"Woah!" Missy screams in delight, thrown back into her chair, "Now this is my kind of ride!" She shouts over the sound of the engines.

The Master doesn't look quite so pleased, grip white-knuckled on his seat.

"What the bloody hell are you doing, you heap of scrap metal!" He shouts over the Mistress' continued enjoyment, leaning forwards to glare at the man sitting beside him.

Then his face falls into contemplation and he sits back down in his seat.

"Have we paid?" He asks, almost lost by the mix of screeching metal and screeching Time Lady.

Nardole's hand tightens around the lever he's pushing, lips tight as he continues to look only forwards.

"Well the thing about that is-" He begins before heaving the lever and bringing them to a stop which feels almost like impact with their speed.

The Mistress is thrown forwards with a shriek of terror this time as she puts her arms out to prevent her from going straight into Nardole's chair. Instead the seat belt holds her back and she gasps, eyes wide as her hearts beat uncontrollably.

"I think I just regenerated a little bit." She says, hand going to her chest as she stares forwards, eyes distant.

"The thing is that we don't actually have any money." Nardole says uncomfortably, ignoring Missy.

The Master justs looks back at him.

"So you just left without paying?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah! What else do you expect me to do?" Nardole says. He frowns at the Time Lord who seems somewhat upset.

"Well I'm sure you could have worked something out. You can't just not pay for things. I'm surprised the Doctor is okay with that kind of thing." The Time Lord retorts.

"Are you- do you  _really_  have a problem with me committing a small theft? You remember that you're a murderer and have destroyed enough planets that half a galaxy has just 'disappeared', don't you?" Nardole asks, incredulous as he scans the Master's face.

"You're- you're really bothered by this?" He says, clearly shocked.

"I'm not- don't be  _stupid._ I  _obviously_ don't care at all- I do it all the time." The Time Lord replies quickly, arms crossing as he looks away.

Nardole snorts, turning back to driving.

"Yeah, and I'm a Zygon." He mutters.

The Master does not dignify this with a response, pointedly ignoring the most mortal of them.

* * *

The Mistress turns, a veritable cloud of plum chiffons lifting about her legs as she poses in front of the mirror, this way and that. She fixes an innocent look on herself, lips parted and eyes full of youth, in the mirror and it stares back at her for a moment before disappearing in a flurry of movement as she moves again. The chiffon falls back softly to the ground draping elegantly from her waist. She smiles.

Nardole looks at the Master in disgust as his eyes move over his older self.

"Really?" He asks, non existent eyebrows raising at the Time Lord.

The Master snaps his gaze away, not guilty at all or hiding the fact he was looking.

"I'm allowed to appreciate the fact that I am a very beautiful woman, am I not?" He declares the question, chin held high.

Nardole just pulls a face and goes back to selecting the most lasting looking clothing from the decidedly high end store.

The Mistress turns to them then and smirks, drifting straight over to the Master, eyes fixed on his. She lays a hand on his shoulder, fingers curling over the back possessively as she smirks.

"To answer your unsaid question it is incredibly wrong for you to think of yourself in that way- quite presumptuous really." The Time Lady says, lips parted and eyes fixed on his as they stand, breaths apart, his hands hovering over her hips and her other hand finding a place on his. Her eyes are dark with amusement, heavy lidded as she gently tilts her chin down, letting her breath fan out between them. She pronounces every sound precisely, eyeing his lips.

Then she pulls away, spinning out her skirts again, smirking even more than before as the Master blinks at her unseeing.

"These pants fit well." He says, devoid of tone.

Nardole pulls a face and tries to pretend he hadn't seen or heard that whole exchange as the Mistress whirls back into the changing room, hopefully to change back into her clothes. Nardole has no idea what he would do if she did anything else.

"Right!" He says, voice high, "We're buying an outfit each from here and then we're going somewhere with clothes that are actually practical." The man says tightly.

The Master is still standing stock still and says nothing.

The Mistress on the other hand obviously is listening by the 'Give him half an hour- he's in a state of shock.' that comes out from behind the curtain, voice dropped back to sarcastic drawl.

Nardole doesn't deign to comment on that.

"You're paying." He says, patting the Master, still frozen, on the shoulder.

"I'm paying." The Time Lord replies blankly, eyes wide where she had stood and nodding a little.

Nardole nods, beaming.

"Glad you see things my way."

* * *

Eventually they do escape from the perils of formal dress and the increased danger of Time Ladies with a penchant for finding the most revealing outfits possible in a store just to taunt her past self who knows he can do nothing about it and embarrass their de facto nanny.

Nardole is extremely glad to be free of that.

He'll be even gladder for the two- or is it one? He really doesn't want to keep thinking about that- Time Lords to get a room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter's on the 9th of December.

Nardole sighs, staring at the Time Lords in front of him.

"What do you mean you don't have any money left?" He asks, looking to the Master who frowns.

"Well it's hardly  _my_ fault.  _Someone_  has a very expensive taste in clothes." He complains, turning to Missy who steps back, hands up which rustles the many, many bags of clothes she has on her arms.

"I'm sorry but when you look as beautiful as I do you deserve to wear good clothes." She argues, looking incredulous at the very fact that her past regeneration is arguing with her.

"And you're sure you have nothing?" He asks Missy again before they can start arguing over who spent too much on clothes for the third time that evening.

The Mistress huffs.

"Yes, mum. I don't have money because I've been sat in a box for the last seventy years after being trapped on a prison planet waiting for my execution for far too long while the Doctor ran around doing nothing of importance." She says without pausing for breath, eyebrows steadily raising as she speaks.

Nardole sighs again, pinching his brow.

"Yes, yes. Okay. How are we going to find somewhere to stay overnight though?" He asks.

"That's our problem. That is our current problem so if you could both  _please_  focus on that it would be great." Nardole says emphatically.

The Master contemplates shoving the metal man off the walk way they're currently standing on but given he's made almost entirely of metal and he would first have to get him over the railing the Time Lord shelves the idea for now.

"You know it's not too much of a problem." He states irritatedly, "I've spent a good deal of this regeneration eating crap out of a human food van and sleeping in trash heaps on  _Earth_. A night in an alleyway won't kill any of us."

The Mistress raises her eyebrows at him.

"This regeneration  _does not_  sleep in alleyways." She says plainly.

There's silence as Nardole stays out of their disagreement and they both glare at the other, knowing arguing with themselves is futile.

"We could…" The Master trails off.

Missy nods.

"Yeah- that could work." She says consideringly.

Nardole's eyes switch from one to the other, only getting more worried.

"What are you planning?" He asks, already wishing he wasn't involved.

The Time Lords smile at him in unison.

* * *

The Mistress holds her head high, stalking into the electronics store with the Master following behind her.

"Look dear, I've already told you we can fix it ourselves- we don't need to bring it into the store. Come on- let's go home." He wheedles, attracting the attention of the sole sales clerk left at the end of the day.

Missy strides ahead of him, stopping suddenly and whirling around.

"Really?" She asks, "You really think you can fix this when it's just been sitting around for two months waiting for you to look at it?" The Mistress spits.

"You mean you don't believe me?" The Master sneers, grabbing her arm tightly as he catches up to her.

She pulls herself free and turns fully, letting tears glisten in her eyes as she hits him.

"I  _mean_  that you haven't touched me in about four months- why should I believe you'll get around to fixing  _this_  when you won't even try to fix  _us_!" She cries out, waving a television remote from the 1970s at him.

The Master grits his teeth.

"You think I would want to be with you when you're running around with everyone and anyone else while I'm working?" He snarls, leaning towards her.

The Mistress goes pale, biting at her lip.

"That doesn't matter. They don't matter to me. I just- you don't pay me any attention-" The Time Lady starts to babble at him, fingers grabbing at his coat pockets as she tries to get him to stay. The Time Lord pushes her away, glaring.

"Get off me. Don't touch me. Come home when you're going to stop messing around." He bites out, walking back out and turning the corner, leaving her there with the sales clerk who gently steps forwards, compassion on her face.

"I'm so sorry. He's so old-fashioned. I'm sure you can find someone else who would love you for who you are." She says kindly, laying a hand on Missy's elbow as she sees the tears dripping down her face.

The Mistress scrubs at her cheeks.

"I'm- yes. I'm so sorry that you had to see that. Harold just- well." She struggles for words, swallowing, "He's old-fashioned." She parrots, taking a ragged breath.

"That's okay! Don't worry about it! He clearly doesn't deserve you. Now why don't you let me look at that and I'll see if I can fix it." She says soothingly, gaze fixed on Missy's face.

The Mistress nods, placing the device in the assistant's hand and putting on her best 'thinking about more pressing things' face.

The sales clerk looks it over for a moment and goes extremely pale.

"Um. This is. This is an antique- I'm sorry but- this is worth trillions of credits. I don't actually know how to fix this. You just- you just had it?" She stumbles over words, four eyes bugging wide as she looks between Missy and the remote control, stunned.

"Honestly I don't even know what it does." The clerk admits in awe then looks properly at Missy.

"I'm- I'm sorry. That's probably not what you need at the moment- I. You should take this back." She states hurriedly, pushing the device back into the Mistress' hands.

The Time Lady is momentarily taken back and finds herself blushing. It doesn't take long for her to switch to a soft smile.

"I. No. Take it." She replies, not grabbing the remote back. She has no use for it anyway and she's going to get this person fired tomorrow probably.

"What- no. I don't know you. Are you? Are you sure?" The clerk asks, utterly confused and wanting to accept.

Missy lets her smile grow and her eyes drift to the woman's lips.

"Yes. I'm very sure." She says, letting her gaze flicker back up to the woman's double set of eyes then down again.

Gently she leans down and presses her lips to the stunned sales clerk's.

"Maybe you're right. Coffee sometime?" She asks, smirking.

The sales clerk just stares at her like a deer faced with headlights but a UFO.

"Uh- yes. That would. That would be nice." The woman replies, barely breathing.

Missy pats her cheek gently.

"Good. I'll find you." She says then skips out the shop as happy as anything.

Not that the clerk is paying any attention to the huge break in character given the fact she's holding potentially the keys to her own house and a nice ride and maybe even a coffee date.


End file.
